this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
