I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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