I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
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3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
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I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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