I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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