life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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