i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
