The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Redeem this text for a blowjob
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
