just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
