He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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