just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
