Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
