He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
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you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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