If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize