Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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