We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
