i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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