So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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