alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
