you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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