I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
