Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
