Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
