At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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