I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
