Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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