i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
