it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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