Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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