even my farts smell like vagina
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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