32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
