sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
