i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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