remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
