Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
A+ Viking dick
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
