I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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