Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
