WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we have officially lost it.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
