I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
