i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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