but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize