Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
