I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's rum buckets o'clock
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
