i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
