Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
