I wanna passion pit in your ass
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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