Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
