for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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