what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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