apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
