dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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