even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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