I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
