I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
