In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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