I'm jealous of your bromance
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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