Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
