in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
