The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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