I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Randomize
