So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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