Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just had sex on a roof
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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