I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm just crazy horny about you
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
