Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize