u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
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I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
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So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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