Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
