Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
