i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
